What do critics know?<\/p>\n
I was a rock critic<\/a> for years, and I always knew my opinion was just one crabby person\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s opinion \u00e2\u20ac\u201c nothing more, nothing less. Yeah, sure, I felt like I knew more than a lot of other people about rock and roll, and that gave me the right to spout off about my good taste.<\/p>\n But really, I knew I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t gonna change anyone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s mind about a group they hated or liked. I figured the best I could do was to introduce new and little-known groups or artists or genres to people who hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t heard them before, and hopefully they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like them as much as I did.<\/p>\n Ultimately, reading the opinions of other music critics got tedious. I mean, I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give a hoot about my own opinions, much less other writers\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.<\/p>\n I still read food critics, because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m always on the lookout for new and interesting places to chow down. But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve just about stopped reading movie critics altogether.<\/p>\n No offense to the Post\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fine crits, Lisa Kennedy and Michael Booth, but time and time again, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve found that I just hate \u00e2\u20ac\u201c make that HATE \u00e2\u20ac\u201c some of the movies that critics gush over the most.<\/p>\n Last night I was perplexed after finally watching David Lynch\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulholland Drive<\/a>\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? on DVD and finding it shallow, stupid and irritatingly obtuse.<\/p>\n In fact, now that I think about it, it was like the second, and third seasons of Lynch\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s landmark TV series, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Twin Peaks\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? (and, for that matter, the horrible, shallow, stupid and irritatingly obtuse \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Twin Peaks\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? movie that followed the demise of the series, which started out wonderfully in its first season). Lynch has his moments, but he really just likes to yank the viewer\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s chain and leave us all scratching our heads, too embarrassed to admit we have no idea what the hell\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going on.<\/p>\n Well, I ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t too embarrassed. At the risk of seeming dumb, or worse, a latter-day version of the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dc80s darling of the movie-going public, Joe Bob Briggs<\/a> (a redneck version of a snooty, pretentious movie critic pretending to be funny), I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like to speak up on behalf of us normal folks who like to watch art films form time to time but also don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind couching it for a night of blood and gore from such populist trash as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Blade: Trinity<\/a>.\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd?<\/p>\n The last time I was this irritated by a critical \u00e2\u20ac\u0153hit\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? was about the time \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Mulholland Drive\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? first came out on DVD a couple of years ago, over the somewhat similarly-paced and equally pretentious indie whodunit, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Memento<\/a>.\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd?<\/p>\n That one was worse, because the payoff at the end of the movie was so cheesy and low-rent for the agony the film put viewers through for two hours.<\/p>\n Gimme Hollywood entertainment anytime over such snobbish artistic hoo-haw. Gimme \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Star Wars.\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Matrix\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? (well, OK, the first \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Matrix,\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? at least). Definitely the entire \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lord of the Rings\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? trilogy. Anything Jet Li \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Hong Kong or Hollywood don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter. John Woo\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ballet-like choreographed violence. Most of Clint Eastwood\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s oeuvre (how\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that for an artsy fartsy word to describe \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dirty Harry\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? et al?). Gimme “Kill Bill,” “Pulp Fiction” and “Reservoir Dogs” — or anything Tarantino<\/a>, cuz he has a bubbly sense of humor where David Lynch is flat as a pancake.<\/p>\n Hell, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d even prefer the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lethal Weapon\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd? series, or \u00e2\u20ac\u201c gulp \u00e2\u20ac\u201c \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Die Hard.\u00ef\u00bf\u00bd?<\/p>\n Other recent hits: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Garden State,” a small, non-Hollywood but very sweet movie, and the first two seasons of \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Six Feet Under,” a vast improvement in interestingness over the stilted and non-evolving \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sopranos” seasons.<\/p>\n You know what was a surprisingly good movie? “Maid in Manhattan.” And “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle” isn’t just for teenaged potheads. The humor might be puerile but the story’s pretty good and for me, it’s important that two Asian Americans got to star in a mainstream Hollywood flick without having to play martial arts masters or geeks (OK, so one is a geek, but he’s a hapless one). Plus, it’s just a relief to see an Asian American who’s a slacker.<\/p>\n More titles to come\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What do critics know? I was a rock critic for years, and I always knew my opinion was just one crabby person\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s opinion \u00e2\u20ac\u201c nothing more, nothing less. Yeah, sure, I felt like I knew more than a lot of other people about rock and roll, and that gave me \u2026 Continue reading